Wondering

*cleaning off the spider web*

Hi everyone! How are you guys. Its been so looong since my last post. And it’s Ramadhan! Well happy fasting to all moslem in the world. Hopefully we can fill this month with meaningful things, to be closer to our God <3

I’ve finished my second semester for about a week, so I got more leisure time than usual *happy* and I got a new hobbies.. surfing on instagram, especially on celebgram’s. Keke. Then I found this super pretty fashion blogger, and looking at her pics, I am officially a fan.

I stalked into her accounts and blog.. I don’t know.. The only thing that popped out from my brain is.. How amazing this girl is. How lucky she is. To be born pretty.. Smart.. Have a striking features with good taste of fashion.. Kind heart.. Great Job.. Surrounded by many caring friends, Handsome and sweet fiancee with a perfect-tv-show love story.. What else are needed to this dreamy life?

People said we could never KNOW someone’s story, their struggle, without stepping on their shoes and walk wearing them. I’m not whining, nor complaining about my life, I am extremely grateful for all these blessings. I just.. wonder. How it feels to be some else. To have less limitation to achieve what I want. To know how they manage to go thru’ their hard times.. (if they ever had). To live their dreamy life. I just.. want to know.

It's okay, de.

Tak apa untuk sekali-kali terluka.
Karena dengan menetesnya darah dari lengan kanan, lengan kiri akan berusaha semakin kuat untuk menopang.

Tak apa untuk sekali-kali dibenci.
Ini kesempatan untuk memperbaiki yang kurang, menyadari yang salah, dan belajar menempatkan diri.

Tak apa untuk sekali-kali menangis.
Tak ada yang salah dengan itu. Tumpahkan semuanya, setelah itu, cobaan yang sama tak akan menggoyangmu..

Kejadian yang sama terulang, tak apa.
Mungkin itu bukan salahmu, mungkin semesta saja yang sedang berkhianat..

Tak apa meski kau belum mampu bersikap dewasa sepenuhnya.
Perlahan-lahan saja.

Sampai saat itu, semoga saya masih pantas, dan tidak memberatkan..

I'll take it as a compliment.

Last week I've done some blogwalking and accidentally found this blog post of mine on a friend's blog. She copy and only change the 1st subject words selection in bahasa, and put it there as hers. By a friend. Or is it just me who think that she is a friend? I dont know either.

I do feel a lil bit offended. For me, get inspired and copying is two different things. Being an inspiration to someone is the greatest level of happiness and being fully copied by someone is just.. annoying. Jeje. But if I look at this probs from a different view, by copying mine, at least there is one person who think that my poem is good. A poem that I wrote only in less than 3mins, without even have time to think and rearrange the words. The one I wrote just to express my feeling of being sorry. And that person, herself is even way better than me in playing words :) 

Thanks to the copycat, I have some spirit now, to write more..

Path

Do you believe everyone have their own different path in life?

Then what is it, and why are we learning the same thing?

We all have our own paths.
But paths cross.
And that is how we meet each other and learn from each other.

Your path and my path have crossed.
And for a while, we will walk together, our paths intermingled.
We will share things with each other and experience things together.

And eventually, the time will come when each of us will move on, in a new direction.
We will separate, but we will take with us the memories of what we have learned and shared.

As we go through life, the path we are on will cross with different paths, many paths.
Like someone picking fruit off a tree, we take with us something from another's path.
That is why it seems we are learning the same things.

Maybe some things are meant for all of us to learn.
Maybe we are all meant to be students at one time and teachers at another time.

Maybe all our paths will end up in the same place, if we do not get lost.

Maybe we will meet at the end of the journey.

The end of my journey is Happiness.

Maybe I will meet you there.

A letter to Dad

When I was a little girl I was my daddy's shadow
Everywhere he went.. I was sure to follow
Whatever my daddy did, I had to try it myself
Because you see, my daddy was the biggest hero in my eyes

He taught me the value of life
He taught me what is wrong and to stand for what is right
My daddy always told me this
That the only thing you should chase in life is happiness
And to be happy.. its depend on you
My dad, he is the smartest man I've ever met
Yet.. he lived with his simple thought
That his biggest treasure, his happiness
Is to be close with his God and family
Money, golds and possition are out of his top priorities
He doesnt always give me what i want.. but he always fulfil my needs
And I know how hard he worked for it

On your Birthday today,
I wish to thank you for every single thing you have done for me in life
For lifting my mood when I'm sad
Holding me when I cry
Scolding me when I break the rules
Shining with pride when I succeed
And has faith in me even when I fail

Every single smile you have given to me
Every single tear that you have gulped on my behalf
I want you to know, that I love you so much

Happy Birthday, my hero
Please stay healthy
I wish you many more fantastic birthdays to come.




From your biggest fan,
Dea

A little at a time

Hola bloggie. Long time no see.
I'm sorry I couldn't make time to write here for quiete long time, life's gettin' hard latelly.
Well.. not that hard. I think drama queen syndrome has affect me so bad :|

It's ramadhan now, and almost at its end. I'm home, sitting on my daddy's workroom, writing this post. I just got back home 2 days ago after spending almost half of my ramadhan in Bogor. Yea.. I've never dreamt about it. I went home right after i finished my collage on June, dreaming on spending my ramadhan fully at home. But since I have to do some important things, i fly back. Important things I should've done waaay before I went home, my bad. I suddenly remember at one of my professor's favourite quote which he will get very angry if we didn't do that. Do ur work a little at time, but continuously, and you'll finish them as quickly as possible. Forgive me for not doing it, Sir. I'm a bad kid.

You know, sometimes you postpone your work because of few things. Most of it.. because you are lazy. Without realizing that Mr. Deadline is always waiting there at the end of the cliff, and you have no choice, you have to face it. You have to do your best, and do it as early as possible. Some people have the ability to finished things faster that the others, but please remember that God put this lil evil creature called uncertainty in the world. By starting earlier, you will have extra time, either you will use it to improve your works or to spend it as your leisure time, and it is priceless. You will realized that the opportunity cost for your laziness is expensive.This is based on my experience, and I'll warn you once again, regretting in the end tastes bitter even more than any medicine that ever exist.

And its hard to swept it away, even after you eat the store's sweetest candy. Or maybe that was not the sweetest candy that they have..

Paradox of Life

__________________________________________________________________

 

Today we have bigger houses and smaller families;

more conveniences, but less time; 

we have more degrees, but less common sense; 

more knowledge, but less judgment.

__________________________________________________________________

We have more experts, but more problems; 

more medicine, but less wellness. __________________________________________________________________

We spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get to angry too quickly,

stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too often, and pray too seldom.

__________________________________________________________________

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too little and lie too often.  

 __________________________________________________________________ 
 

We‘ve learned how to make a living, but not a life;

we’ve added years to life, not life to years.

__________________________________________________________________

  We've been all the way to the moon and back, 

but have trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor. 

__________________________________________________________________

We've conquered outer space, but not inner space.

We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.

__________________________________________________________________

We write more, but learn less;

plan more, but accomplish less.
 _________________________________________________________________

We've learned to rush, but not to wait;

we have higher incomes, but lower morals.    

__________________________________________________________________

 

We build more computers to hold more information,

to produce more copies, but have less communication.

We are long on quantity, but short on quality.

__________________________________________________________________

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion;

tall men and short character;

steep profits and shallow relationships.  

__________________________________________________________________

 More leisure and less fun;

more kinds of food, but less nutrition;

two incomes, but more divorce;

fancier houses, but broken homes.

__________________________________________________________________

That’s why I propose, that as of today,

you do not keep anything for a special occasion,

because every day that you live is a special occasion. 

__________________________________________________________________ 

Search for knowledge, read more,

sit on your front porch 

and admire the view without paying attention to your needs. 

 __________________________________________________________________

Spend more time with your family and friends,

eat your favorite foods, and visit the places you love.

 __________________________________________________________________ 

Life is a chain of moment of enjoyment, not only about survival. 

__________________________________________________________________ 

 

Use your crystal goblets. 

Do not save your best perfume, 

and use it every time you feel you want it. 

__________________________________________________________________ 

Remove from your vocabulary phrases like “one of these days” and “someday”.

Let’s write that letter we thought of writing “one of these days”.

Let’s tell our families and friends how much we love them.

Do not delay anything that adds laughter and joy to your life.

Every day, every hour, and every minute is special.

And you don’t know if it will be your last.

If you’re too busy to take the time to send this message to someone you love,
and you tell yourself you will send it “one of these days “.

Just think…”One of these days “, you may not be here to send it!

__________________________________________________________________

 

 __________________________________________________________________

The post above was taken from a file found on my lappy and turns out to be my mom's paper when she took her doctoral study. You know, it's 100000% true.

And as I keep reading it, my eyes get teary. So I want to share this bittersweet post to you guys. Hopefully you will live your live differently as before, make it worth and enjoyable :)

 

                                        

Someday :)

Again. Talking about heart. Talking about feeling.
Talking about Love ; the topic people will never get enough.
How feeling's fade, how feeling's change.
How new people come to our life, and easily go away.

Broken heart. Deep pain.
Get hurt, and it leaves a big scar.
Ended up in trauma.

Scared of meeting new people.
Afraid of getting on the same hole again.
Don't want to be trapped in the maze of love.

You know, all you need is just TIME.
Time to get used to the pain, time to heal it.
Time to erase the scar. Time to let your trauma go.
Time to prepare your heart.
Time to forgive, time to learn.
Time to plan for your next adventure :)

And though it's hard for me to breathe
And even harder to believe
I know that one day i'm gonna find
I'm gonna be just fine
Cause I know that one day i'm gonna feel again..

- Feel Again by Taio Cruz.

I believe :)

Just, why?

Terus saja mencela orang lain.

Karena diatas segala hinaan yang kau lekatkan kepada mereka, mereka toh menikmati apa yang mereka punya. Mereka hidup bahagia. Bersyukur atas segala hal termasuk kekurangan yang dimilikinya. Yang menurutmu hal itu tak pantas ada di dunia-Nya.

Terus saja rendahkan mereka.

Seakan-akan kau tinggi setinggi langit Tuhan. Tak berkekurangan. Merasa paling berkualitas. Sadarkah kau hidupmu pun tak lebih baik dari mereka yang kau marjinalkan?
 

Tau kah kau bahwa alam semesta ini sudah diatur oleh-Nya?
 

Setiap hal diciptakan berpasang-pasangan.
 

Ada Adam dan Hawa. Ada siang yang melengkapi malam. Ada kematian yang selalu berjalan setia membayangi setiap kehidupan. Ada cinta yang selalu siap untuk memeluk benci. Akan tawa setelah tangis mereda. Dan tau kah kau, tanpa adanya kekurangan, akankah dirimu pernah bersyukur atas segala yang telah Ia beri?
 

Kau tidak berhak menghina kehendak-Nya. Kau tidak berhak menodai jalan yang telah Ia tulis. Bahkan jika jalan yang Tuhan berikan padamu adalah jalan yang baik dan mulus, dan memilih jalan yang kurang baik untuk orang lain. Apakah hal yang patut kau merusak semua rencana indah yang telah dipersiapkan Tuhan? Bukankah kita semua berjalan menuju satu tujuan? Tidakkah akan lebih indah jika kita dapat tertawa bersama pada ujungnya?

Khayal.

Seandainya saja pintu kemana saja-nya Doraemon bisa dibeli.
Atau ilmu Apparate benar bisa dipelajari.
Seandainya transformasi menjadi cahaya itu mungkin.
Atau sekedar menjadi pelancong ahli dalam mimpi.

Akankah rindu tercipta? 

Ah, seandainya takdir bisa dipilih.
Seandainya hati bisa atur sesukanya.
Seandainya perasaan bisa semudah itu dimusnahkan.
Seandainya.. 

Alone at night.

Family is people and family is love.
That's a family.
They come in all different sizes and different kind,
But mine's just right for me.
Yea, mine's just right for me.
- Barney

This is just a post by someone who is missing home.

Living far away from home is a new experience for me. Tho i'm already on my last year at collage, yes i just got a chance to live alone without my family, since they were moved to my hometown for about 2 months ago. And since i'm a family girl type, i really feel the difference. I used to do my home work and household thingy by myself, so actually it's not a big deal. But the things i really miss is the chatting time with my parents and siblings, doing things together, cracking some jokes and laughter. I usually discussed everything with my parents but now since they don't have enough time to call me often, yea, i really miss being home. It's not that i don't have any friends here, i have my besties by my side, they are also my family, but blood line is different. I really miss my bro and sissy, and since i'm the oldest from three, i'm close with both of them. Phone call, sms, and Whatsapp does help but you know that there's no better things than to see a person in real life.

Well, being alone at night does makes me write some melancholy stuffs >.<

Saya si Bebek C

Sama tapi berbeda.

Dikarenakan postingan ditulis ketika saya sedang mumet-mumetnya (gara-gara you-know-what, dia yang namanya tak boleh disebut karena bakal menjatuhkan mood teman-teman yang senasib) jadi ditulis dalam bahasa indonesia yang sedikit tidak benar yaa. Harap dimaklumi.

Final Goal. Tujuan akhir. Yes, lagi-lagi tentang hal ini. Sebagai mahasiswa tingkat akhir yang persoalan hidupnya lagi ga jauh-jauh dari hal ini, saya bingung mau nulis apa lagi. Ya karena masalah ter-ribet yang sedang saya hadapi ya tentang hal ini. Haha. Bingung ga sih bacanya? Sama, saya juga.

Ibarat segelintir anak bebek yang baru pertama kali main di empang yang lumayan jauh dari kandangnya. Ketika azan magrib berkumandang, mereka tau bahwa adzan itu pertanda harus pulang. Jangan kemaleman, kata ibunya, karena seringkali ketika jalanan sepi, ada beberapa abang-abang yang suka nyulik bebek-bebek nyasar, yaaah, lumayan lah buat lauk besok. Jadi, ada anak bebek yang langsung pulang, ada juga yang mengulur-ngulur waktu, barang 30 menit lah, mainnya kan lagi asik (?). Bebek A yang pulang paling awal, bisa cepet sampe kandang karena jalanan masih terang waktu itu. Bebek B pulang 15 menit kemudian, jalanan sudah mulai gelap, tapi karena Bebek B anaknya pinter, inget jalan, jadi dia bisa lari kenceng pulang ke kandang. Bebek C pulang terakhir dan agak malem karena harus beresin mainannya dulu (Bebek A & B kabur aja seenaknya). Karena jalanan udah gelap dan sepi, di jalan banyak paku dan preman, Bebek C terpaksa jalan pelan-pelan, sambil ngumpet-ngumpet. Eh taunya di perempatan kali deres, ada preman yang menghadang, dan ngerampok mainan si Bebek. Bebek C ga rela kalo mainannya dirampok, soalnya dia dan sodara-sodaranya beli mainan itu pake duit hasil nabung sewindu (padahal masih bagus si Bebek ga diperkosa dan di bunuh -_-), jadilah doi ngejer-ngejer si preman. Sampe sekarang. Si Bebek belum pulang ke rumah.

*The End*

Intinya: Saya ingin cepat pulang!

A coward.

" There’s a moment when i wanna go back to highschool. The moment when i dont wanna grow older. The moment i dont wanna face something new in life. The moment when i dont wanna move forward. And stay at a spot. Enjoy things i had without any worries from the possibility tha i may lose ‘em. Enjoy my life without the fear of being chased. Stay afar from the deadline that always haunting for about years. Oh it must be great.. "

Imaginary.

 

Have you ever falling in love with someone in your dreams?

Because i just feel it.
Last night. In my peaceful sleep.
Deep in my dream.
Somehow i just meet him.
Someone i dont even know. A stranger.
Someone that even when i wake up, i forgot his face.
Someone that even when i wake up, i forgot how we met in my dream.

Me now a girl that haven't fall in love again.
But since i woke up until now, i can feel my heart beat faster than ever.

My friend says that there are 3 possibilities about this phenomenon.
The first is that he is someone i used to know. Some one i have met.
I just dont remember who he is.
The second is that he is someone i will meet in the future.
The third is he is just imaginary. A guy i wanna have, i guy i wanna get loves from, but he never exist. And this is the most dangerous.

I dont know which one from three that suits the situation right now.
But i wish i will never meet him again.

Why? Because dreams are dreams.
And i dont wanna fall too deep.

A pain in the ass.

As a human, we could never live without other people. As a human, we might lack here and there. Nobody’s perfect, either it’s me, you, or the others. I’ve made too much mistakes i couldn’t count. I admit it. I’m way far from that word, PERFECT. I made many wrong decissions, took some wrong paths, i hurted people that love me, yes i’m a stupid. But is it wrong to be imperfect? Is it wrong to do what your heart tell you? For me, i do whatever i want to do. If i’ve done things people ask me to do, its because i also want to do it. I always think that it’s better to get wrong, to fall because it’s your decission, because of yourself, than because of someone’s order. If you failed at your own decission, you might regret it, but if you failed because of someone’s order, you will regret for your failure and what’s deeper is, you’ll regret for not following your heart.

Following your heart, doing things that you wanna do, will always pleased you, but not other people. People judge, but is it even an important thing? For some people, yes. For me, i’ll proudly say this, IT’S NOT. Like what i’ve said above. As long as it’s not bothering. If sometimes later i change, its not because i’m afraid of your judgement, people, it’s not because i wanna please you. It because i realize that i’m wrong, and i want to change for a better me. I dont just ignore, i consider first about other people’s view.

Recenty, it seems like people we have made some judgement about me. You guys may talk around my back, but please remember that i’ve got another eye that will always watch people like you. You hear the story only from one point of view, which will always put the bad things on me. I dont' explain about it, why? Because i think there is no reasons to talk about it. Is it even important? Oh please. People loves talking about other people, they are social creature. I dont blame them for their natural habit, but why dont they look at both point of view? If you ask, i will answer. But there’s no reasons for me to explain it first. Kay?

 

I dont write this because i was bothered. I think people are getting funnier when laughing at something they didn’t even know what it really is. Please, i'm not that bad. I love you guys, dont make yourself that pity ;)

By someone who has nothing to do rite now.

DA <3

Life’s Curve (?) ; The Turning Point.

Minggu, April the 15th. 10.09pm.

Kenapa tiba-tiba bisa ngomongin itu ya? Haha i have no idea too. Apa karena besok itu hari Ujian Nasional buat anak-anak SMA? Haha. Tauklah. Tiba-tiba aja terlintas dipikiran. Ya, asli malem ini otak emang lagi random sekali. Entah kenapa tiba-tiba aja saya sadar dan mikir. Berbagai macam masalah, kejadian, baik itu hal-hal yang menyenangkan, mengecewakan, bikin marah, emosi, sedih... Sebenernya saya ngerasa beruntung bisa ngalamin semua itu. Hal-hal menyenangkan, ga akan terus dirasakan sebagai kebahagiaan kalo dialami terus menerus. Makanya bentuk kurva utilitas engga linear naik terus (ada hubungannya ga sih? haha :p).  Lurus terus, mana asik? Titik balik itu perlu, dari kurva yang menanjak naik, berubah menurun (bentuk n). Awalnya susah, tapi kalo dipikir lagi, itu salah satu jalan terampuh buat menyadarkan kita kalo masa-masa kurva menanjak itu merupakah suatu hal yang berharga. Yang susah dicapai. Awal penurunan mungkin berat, kurvanya menurun curam. But as the time goes by, diiringi dengan niat dan usaha untuk menjadi lebih baik, perlahan-lahan penurunannya akan semakin melandai... 

Akhirnya, mungkin bisa terjadi turning point lagi, dari kurva yang menurun, menjadi menanjak naik (bentuk u). Hal ini menunjukkan bahwa ga selamanya nasib kita bakal jelek terus. Tuhan berkehendak, manusia bisa berusaha dan berdoa buat merubah nasibnya. Bahkan, setelah mengalami penurunan, kenaikan yang dicapai mungkin bisa lebih besar dari yang pernah dicapai sebelumnya. Mungkin terlalu teoritis, tapi saya meyakini hal ini. Semua hal di dunia ini, setiap kesalahan, keberhasilan, sekecil-kecilnya hal dan masalah, punya perannya masing-masing dalam hidup kita. Setiap ciptaan dan kejadian di dunia ini kehendak Tuhan, dan Ia ga mungkin menciptakan sekedar menciptakan kan?

- Haha entah apa yang barusan saya tulis. Baca ulang paragraf diatas pun males... Haha maafkan ketidakjelasan saya malam ini. Otak lagi hang, lama ga ketemu pacar (baca: Jung Yong Hwa :p) jadi gini deh.

Low point.

Life is like a wheel. Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down.
An old proverb. But really fits me now.
Ya, ketika semuanya harus dimulai dari nol lagi.
Mulai menapaki tangga dari bawah lagi.
Hati-hati menjejakkan kaki pada anak-anaknya.
Berusaha tak terperosok pada bagian yang sama.
Satu demi satu. Perlahan tapi pasti.
Bismillah :)

If i could ask.

I want a guy who would hold my hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous.
I want someone who would sing to me at random moments.
Someone who is more goofy than romentic.
A boy who would throw stuffed animals at me when i'm acting dumb.
Someone who would bet me kisses that he could beat me at all playstation games and then let me win.
A guy who would make fun of me just to hear my laughter.
He'd play with my hair all time and surprised me with 25 cent rings.
Someone who i could share lollipops with, and lay on a blanket with to count the stars.
We'd buy tons of disposable cameras to take the silliest pics of each other, then keep it our room's wall.
We'd squirt water gun each other in house, and make all the stuffs wet.
We might get angry to each other, but we'll forget it in a blink when one wink.
But mostly.. I want a guy who would be my bestfriend and would never break my heart.
The guy who would always make me smile.

Move on.

- That words feels so right.

Pain. Heartbreak. Bad memories. Things that makes us feeling hurt. We might get them at least once in our life. If you tell that you never feel the pain, i can guarantee it is a lie. Some of you might have it rarely, but some might have it more times than others. Whatever the souce of the pain. On the body or on the heart. Pain leaves scar that will always stay there, never dissapear. Most people take this as a problem. Its a normal thing, i do feel the same way too at the beginning. As the time goes by, some pople keep take it as a problem, or ever a bigger problem than before. Because it never dissapear. You could never forget the things that made you like that, someone different from who you used to be. But you have another option. Take it as a lesson. A lesson that taught you not to fell into the same hole twice. Something that reminds you about that hole, show you the right way to go, so you will never meet that hole again. You can move forward, not circle around that f'cin hole again. In case on your new way you meet that type of hole again, you can ignore it, jump over it, or maybe ask someone to fill the hole with some soil LOL so it wont make anyone fall.

Two is not always better than one.

Maybe you guys will feel a bit surprised of my words, hehe but yeah that is what i feel for now. From abt 1 month ago, me no longer holding in any relationship. Dont ask for the reason why. Bcs one post would never enough for me to write about it hehe *lebay*

Anyway, yet for me, life is about priority. It doesn't mean i never thought about ut before... But for now, my priority is just changed. Many things affect me, that made me realize, love is not on the top list. Since we both had the same thought... Then we took the decission.

It was sad at the beginning of the break up.. But after i had thousand times of thinking *lebay again* dan lebih menyibukkan diri dengan urusan per-skripsi-an, slowly i feel ok and my feeling got back to normal. Life is about priority, and i've decided whats the most important things to do. So i'm trying to be though. Semangat deh. 

Now i feel that this new phase in my life is just begin. I planned to spend my time abt something new and fun, and gain lots of experiences since i'm just too young to be stressed out by that love thingy. Tapi kalo emang Allah mempertemukan sama yang baik dan cocok ya ga nolak :p Cuma i wont get things too serious. Ntar aja kalo udah waktunya. Sekarang, fokus dulu aja sama target yang ada didepan mata :)

Hwaiting dea!   (˘▼˘)ง